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What it's like to be on the outside

Sometimes I see all of you.

Jolly times, collective smiles and unending gossip.

I've observed, listened and craved,

for a while now.

Sitting at the corner table,


Walking by the group photos,


Watching you leave with each other,


Overhearing your conversations,


Comparing your life & mine,


I've seen what the college looks like,

way into the night,

as all of you rush to your merry homes,

while I turn off the lights.

Funnily enough,

nights are when it becomes easy,

as you aren't on the outside anymore,

because the inside collapsed with you.

I wondered,




and failed.

Nothing ever worked,

and not knowing the reason behind my inevitable fate,

became unbearable.

I packed my bags,

and shifted cities,

and it's been 4 months ever since.

Days are easier,

nights get tougher.

As the internet mocks me,

with updates from your space,

it's just like before,

nothing ever changed.

I sit here,

miles away,

and I watch you,

hear you,

and desire what you have.

But you render me invisible,

and it's like I'm not even there,

this time for real.

The morning light hits,

and I type away on my computer,

in the hope that someday I'll be

Sitting at the centre table,


Walking into the group photos,


Leaving with everyone,


Hearing your conversations,


Comparing your life & mine,



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