top of page

An attempt to relieve unnecessary pressure.


Just unnecessary fucking pressure. All the goddamn time.

It's utterly sad how we've constructed our ways of the world. Achieve something and it fades away into nothingness, the very next moment. For every achievement or goal ticked off in your eternally growing checklist, a grander one is added for you to chase. Fail to achieve it and you're a waste of potential. Achieve it and you're already vying for the next one.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm living my life to fulfil the expectations of other people around me. If you are someone who is regarded as mildly 'successful' in your circle, you suddenly have expectations placed on you that you never signed up for. While some of these originate from people around you, a lot of them from within you. And they're extremely difficult to ignore.

Today, in a conversation with my coworkers, I realised that my next job wasn't exactly a high-paying one. I knew this from the start. The offer was considerably lower than some of the ones I'd explicitly rejected (and my peers had excitedly scooped up) simply because I was not passionate about the work being offered. I'd been completely convinced in my decision to follow a path of work that I believed in, even with the monetary difference, until today. It all came back again; because in my head, I was comparing everyone else to myself. My numbers didn't stand a chance and suddenly, today on that restaurant table, it mattered.

This omnipresent and utterly gruelling competition at every stage in our lives is absolutely devastating. You are never happy with what you have and what you achieve. All the goddamn time you're competing, or being compared, with someone else. And honestly, someone else always takes the win; because there's _always_ another someone else in another category of life.

I am incredibly tired of it. I am tired of this mammoth burden that I have to carry on my shoulders everywhere I go and weigh it for everyone decision I take. This post is an attempt to free myself from it, at least from the external ones; as I believe they are inextricably woven together with the internal ones.

Sorry mum, I didn't get the highest-paying job. Sorry, I probably won't earn enough.

Sorry dad, I didn't grow up to be the man you wanted me to be.

Sorry CSD & IIAD, I'm not one of your 'success stories'.

Sorry people who look up to me, I'm not worthy of your attention.

Sorry mentors, your extensive teachings didn't bring any laurels.

Most of all,

Sorry to myself, for carrying this unnecessary burden for 8 long years.


"Our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance." - Brené Brown.


Recent Posts

See All

4 years ago, I decided to be vulnerable with another human being. As time progressed, I found it increasingly easier to open up to other human beings. Today, I can proudly say that I have broken down

Wow. What a year it's been since I last sat down on my 21st birthday to write something like this. When I look back at the incredibly fast-paced year that went by, I'm humbled by the sheer number of t

bottom of page